And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
