I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
