Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
