highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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