I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
is it fun? or sober?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
