Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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