After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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