Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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