Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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