drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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