watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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