Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
