apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
