Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
