white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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