Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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