I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize