Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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