Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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