this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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