your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
