Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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