vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
