Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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