That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
