He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
