Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
