I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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