so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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