So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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