I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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