Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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