i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
