You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
