Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize