I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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