answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
