apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
