so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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