if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
