My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
