I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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