woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
