Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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