Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
