Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
someone threw a dead crab at me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
