Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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