ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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