He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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