...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Porn is love you can see.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize