i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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