If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize