i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
