The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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