I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
