He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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