you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
