She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
