names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
