Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
