thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
